good intentions
by tatty ted
Summary: Eliza Barratt has it all, the brains and the beauty. Sent to Holby for her eight week placement, she impresses them on her first day when she correctly diagnoses a mystery patient. However that's the least of her problems, Charlie's convinced he's met her before and then she realises she's fallen in love with Ethan. With history repeating itself, can she make the right choice?
1. CHAPTER I

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**good intentions**  
_we all have good intentions_

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"I don't think I can do this," Eliza spoke down the phone as she paced the hallway, "I'm scared."

_"Sweetheart there's nothing to be worried about, have you been taking your medication?"_

"Yes I've been taking my tablets, I'm just — uneasy and on edge. What if I'm rubbish? What if I can't do it? I don't want to let you and my father down by been a failure, what if nursing really isn't for me?" She slid down the wall, her knees tucked underneath her chin.

_"Eliza, listen to me. Are you listening? Your father and I don't care what you do as long as you're happy. If you hate nursing, we won't be cross with you. Your father and I only want what's best for you. You need to stop panicking, your only making yourself feel worse. Go and run the bath and relax."_

"I wish you were here, I wish you both were."

_"Seven days until we're back together and you don't ever have to wave us off again. I'm going to have to go, remember, relax. I love you sweetheart."_

"I love you too, tell dad I love him and give him a kiss from me."

The phone disconnected and Eliza looked at the blank screen and sighed deeply. Seven days, a week until she was reunited with her parents. She decided to listen to her mother, stood up from the floor and went into the bathroom. Running herself a bath, she began to breath in and out, trying to keep herself calm.

Getting into the bath, she submerged herself in the water, staring at the ceiling.

Seven days, why did it seem a lifetime?

The next morning when she woke at six-thirty to get ready for placement, she found a text on her phone from her parents wishing her luck. Eliza smiled softly and sat with her legs crossed, running a brush through her hair staring into the mirror.

Tying her hair into a tight bun, she got off the bed and walked towards the wardrobe. Taking out her uniform, she began to put it on, looking at herself in the mirror and smiled softly. She was going to be okay, she had to be okay.

Having got ready and finished by seven fifteen, Eliza took one last look in the mirror before her chest began to feel tighter. It was safe to say she was extremely anxious for today, her first day in the Emergency Department at Holby City Hospital.

Remembering to relax, the tightness disappeared and Eliza put her coat on and left. Closing the front door, she put her keys in her pocket and got the bus to work. The journey was quiet considering it was Monday and the school week was beginning, Eliza was thankful she'd got this bus and hadn't waited for the other.

The messaging tone of her mobile broke through her thoughts and she looked down at her phone. As she opened the text message, she smiled brightly tears pooling in her eyes at the message from her best friend Stephanie.

_Good luck hun! you can do it, xxxxxx_

Texting back thank you, Eliza looked up knowing it was near her stop. Biting her lower lip softly, she stood up from her seat and pressed the bell. Getting off, she thanked the driver and looked up, her eyes falling upon the hospital.

Steadying her breathing, she followed the signs towards the emergency department.

Walking in, she almost collided with a patient with a heavy nose bleed. Jumping back quickly so not to get covered in his blood, she collided with a male doctor. Apologising she walked towards reception, careful of where she was standing.

Reaching the end of the queue, she smiled at the male and said; "I'm here to see either Charlie Fairhead or Tess Bateman."

Noel smiled at the youngster trying to calm her first time nerves, "take a seat and I'll let them both know you've arrived."

"Okay thanks," leaving reception to take a seat in the waiting room, she didn't watch her step and collided with another doctor. Only this time the file the doctor was carrying crashed to the floor.

"Oh I'm sorry," bending down to retrieve it, she handed it to the doctor and smiled nervously. Standing up, she took a seat in the waiting room, mentally telling herself to stay out of trouble. She hadn't even officially started yet and she'd already walked into two doctors.

What would they think about her as a nurse if she couldn't watch where she was going?

It started again, that feeling. She was going to be rubbish, really rubbish and everybody will laugh and hate her. Everyone will think she's crap and then her parents will find out how much she's hated and hate her even more.

She was starting to get hot, the palms of her hands sticking. She get trying to tell herself to breathe but it was like her brain was forgetting too. Breathe, breathe, breath. Tess noticed the young girl Eliza and knelt down to her level, "are you okay?"

All Eliza could do was nod. She felt sick, dizzy, unable to breathe.

Tess touched her arm and didn't say anything for a second. She was hoping Eliza could bring herself out of this panic attack before she had to get some help. Eventually, Eliza's breathing returned to normal and she looked at Tess and laughed nervously, "sorry. I have regular panic attacks."

"Often?"

"Three, four times a day. It sort of gets easier the older I get." She smiled weakly, "I'm presuming you're Tess Bateman, senior staff nurse?"

Tess smiled softly, "Eliza Barratt, our new student nurse?" As Eliza nodded she stood up and followed Tess as she walked towards an office. Eliza couldn't help but curse herself, already day one and she'd already let her anxiety take hold off her.

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	2. CHAPTER II

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**CHAPTER TWO  
**_& I'm leaving now, leaving._

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"Charlie, this is Eliza Barratt, Eliza this is Charlie, he'll be your mentor."

Eliza shook his hand but couldn't help but notice the look he'd given her. It was almost like he'd seen her before which was impossible because she'd never set foot in Holby City Hospital ever. She swallowed hard before Charlie took over and began to show her around the hospital.

He showed her the canteen, the clinical lead's office, the nurse's station. He introduced her to the staff (there was far too many of them to remember of the top of her head though she remembered one doctor because she'd walked into her earlier.

As he showed her the staff room, she unbuttoned her coat and turned to Charlie, "may I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"You keep giving me an odd look," she paused for a second, "it's like you've seen me before but you haven't."

Charlie laughed. He should've known Eliza would've picked up on the look he'd given her when she first walked in, "your name's familiar plus you remind me of a nurse I used to work with a long time ago!"

Eliza smiled softly, put her coat and her bag in the locker she was issued and turned to Charlie. Telling him she was ready, she followed him out of the staff room and braced herself. This was it. This was the beginning of her journey.

"Are you ready?"

"No," she made eye contact with Charlie, "but I haven't a choice right?"

/

On her break she went into the staff room and boiled the kettle, "tea anyone?"

Inside the staff room were Ethan, another doctor and Rita a nurse. They both declined Eliza's offer and she leant against the counter, overhearing the conversation between Rita and Ethan about the patient in three been a medical mystery.

"What do you mean?"

Ethan looked at Eliza and continued; "came in suffering from low blood pressure, hair loss, dilated pupils along with the tendency to bruise easily and a drop in blood pressure when he stands. At first I thought it was something to do with the white blood cells and yet the test for them have come back in the normal range."

"What else have you done?"

"Ran a couple more tests but again they're normal. Medically there shouldn't be anything wrong with him."

"But there is," Eliza answered. She bit her lower lip for a second before she asked; "I know this is a big ask but is there any chance I could look over it? I know I'm only a student but another pair of eyes might pick up on something you may have missed, not that I'm saying you've missed something."

Ethan smiled at the youngster. Her first day and already trying to solve problems. As he handed her the patients file, he said gently;

"Be my guest, hopefully we'll get to the bottom of it."

As she was about to leave, Rita asked what she was going to do about her cup of tea. Eliza answered it didn't matter, the kettle wasn't going anywhere and she could have her tea later. This was an opportunity she couldn't let pass, the opportunity to make a difference.

She'd been gone a short while when Charlie walked into the staff room to ask if anyone had seen Eliza. They told him they hadn't and he sighed. He heard of Tess about her panic attack this morning and he hoped she wasn't having another one somewhere, alone.

Catching Ash on his way back to his office he said, "if you see Eliza will you tell her I'm looking for her?"

"Will do Charlie," Ash was about to enter his office when he saw it was occupied by someone. Pushing open the door, he saw Eliza sat in the middle of the floor, chewing the tip of her pen gently surrounded by paperwork.

"Eliza?"

Looking up, her eyes fell upon Ash and she smiled softly, "Oh god, I'm sorry! I couldn't find anywhere to sit."

"What are you doing?"

Eliza was silent for a moment before she replied; "Doctor Hardy had a patient that he called a medical mystery. I asked if I could have a look because, well, you Doctor's are obviously missing something and I know I'm only a student but," she trailed off explaining, "I don't suppose you have a drug directory in here do you?"

Ash nodded and stepped over the paperwork. As he opened one of the draws of his desk, he took out his drugs dictionary and handed it to Eliza. He was impressed. She was clearly onto something despite only been here two minutes, literally.

"What's your hunch?"

Eliza flicked through the dictionary and stopped on the page she needed, "my gut's telling me that he's suffering an adverse reaction to his antidepressants. Look," she handed a piece of paper to Ash; "he was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder in March of 2010 and prescribed fluoxetine. By May he was going to his GP because he was suffering from low blood pressure, hair loss, dilated pupils."

She swallowed hard, her stomach flipping nervously. She hoped she was right, "According to fluoxetine there can be uncommon side effects, only reported by zero point one percent of the population who use them. Every symptom Mr Stevens has relates to fluoxetine."

"And how would you treat him?"

"Refer him back to his GP with a request to withdraw him from using fluoxetine and try another SSRI. If the same problem persists, I'd try MAOI's."

Ash smiled at the youngster, "you know, I think you might be onto something."

/

She was in the staff room at the end of the day, putting on her coat when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around, she made eye contact with Ethan who smiled softly, "thanks for helping me out earlier."

She shrugged, "it's fine. I mean, it was a lucky guess I suppose."

The staff room began to fill up with the other members of staff. Charlie mentioned something about going to the pub and for a minute Eliza hesitated. What if her parents rang and she wasn't at home? On the other hand if she joined them, she'd get to know them all better.

Agreeing to join them, she followed them across the road to the pub, already after day one feeling part of a team. She thought of her mother's words last night and realised she was right, Eliza had nothing to worry about. She was born to be a Nurse.

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	3. CHAPTER III

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**CHAPTER THREE**  
_just stay strong, I'm here for you._

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Eliza woke up the next day in an unfamiliar setting. It definitely wasn't her bedroom, the walls were green and blue and she rolled over. Thankful to find the space beside her unoccupied, she checked underneath the duvet to make sure she was still dressed.

Sighing in relief, she sat up in bed the room spinning as she did. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she remembered going to the pub after work but that was it. Nothing else. There was a knock on the door and Robyn walked into the room, "how you feeling?"

"Rough," she smiled gently realising that she'd been taken back to Robyn's last night, "was I terrible last night?"

"Yes." Eliza found herself cringing. Putting her face in her hands, she could imagine the stuff she'd got up too, "what did I do?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Nope," Robyn began to tell Eliza all about the events of last night, how she brought everybody shots and got extremely drunk! How she shared a drunken kiss with a guy she didn't know the name off, drunkenly groped Ethan and sang awfully on the karaoke machine.

Eliza blushed a deep shade of red and slapped the top of her hand, "bad El!"

"Oh there was something," as Robyn went to leave the room, she turned to Eliza remembering a message she was to pass on last night (not that Eliza was in any fit state to remember her own name) "your father called, he wanted you to ring him back!"

"What? my father," frantically she began to throw things around the room trying to find her phone. It caught her by surprise again, the anxiety taking hold off her. Her chest felt tight and her palms grew sweaty. Her father. Her father _never_ called her.

"Eliza? What's wrong?"

Eliza ignored Robyn although she was beginning to worry the nurse, "must phone dad." She said. She knew it was bad news. This was it. Her mother was dead. Her biggest fear had come true. As quickly as it started, the panic attack stopped when she reasoned with herself realistically.

"What happened?"

"I panicked when you said my father called, he never calls me." Robyn accepted the explanation and left Eliza in the bedroom on her own. Eliza found her phone underneath her pillow and looked down at the screen. There were no missed calls or text messages and she told herself it wasn't bad news her father was calling to give, perhaps he just wanted to know how she was getting on.

Getting out of bed and clearing up after herself, she walked downstairs meeting Robyn in the kitchen, "I don't suppose my father mentioned where he was calling from?" Getting nothing but a blank expression from Robyn, she decided to call her parents on her break that afternoon.

/

It was on her first break of the day that she decided to ring her parents. The phone rang and rang and for a second Eliza didn't think they would answer until she heard her father's voice down the phone; _"Hello?"_

"Only me dad, you wanted me to call you?"

"_Yes_," there was a pause, "_Eliza—"_

"Is it bad news?"

_"No."_

"Promise?"

_"Promise."_ There was a pause on both ends of the phone before Mike spoke; "_your mother and I will be home tomorrow morning!"_

_"_What?" She squealed down the phone and jumped up and down; "you're coming home early, oh my god!"

As they finished their conversation Eliza couldn't help but stare at her phone in a daze. Her parents, her parents were coming home early! She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face, it was really happening. She was getting both her parents back and they'd never go away again.

Leaving the staff room, Charlie noticed the smile on her face and asked; "You look happy!"

"My parents," she grinned, "they're coming back early, they're going to be here tomorrow morning!"

"That's great news! Where've they been?" Before Eliza had the chance to answer she burst into tears. Charlie led her back into the staff room, sat her down and made her a cup of tea. As she sniffled and wiped the tears away from her face, she apologised.

"Don't apologise." There was a pause, "where are your parents?"

Biting her lower lip for a moment she answered; "Sierra Leone, they've spent the last twelve months there."

"How come they've been over there so long?"

"They work for Médecins Sans Frontières," she saw the blank expression on his face and elaborated, "doctors without borders, surely you've heard of it? I'm just relieved that they're back in one piece, you get used to living on edge. Constantly thinking of the worst you know?"

Charlie handed her a cup of tea with an extra sugar, "I can't imagine it was easy on you."

He sat down next to her as she took a sip of tea and continued; "Sierra Leone wasn't too bad, they went over there because of healthcare exclusions. Places like the Ivory Coast and Somalia were worse, the armed conflict. That was scary because they might never have come home."

Charlie smiled softly at the youngster as she drank the tea. When she finished she said, "come on you, haven't we got work to do."

/

Eliza was relieved to see the end of the shift.

It had been chaotic, a lorry crash on the motorway ensured the emergency department were over-stretched and at breaking point.

Buttoning up her coat, Eliza jumped out of her skin when somebody tapped her on the shoulder. Making eye contact with Ethan, the first time since last night when she drunkenly groped him, she blushed deep red and smiled; "can I just apologise for last night?"

"It's forgotten about," there was a pause, "I wondered—if you—erm would like lunch with me tomorrow? Unless you fancy my hotter older brother."

Eliza looked at Ethan and nodded, "lunch tomorrow? Sounds perfect, I'll see you tomorrow." As she walked away she reached the door, stopped and turned back; "your brother is a first class prick."

Ethan smiled as he watched her walk away. He liked her, a lot.

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	4. CHAPTER IV

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**CHAPTER FOUR**  
_back and forth inside my heart_

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She's spent all the previous evening tidying her house, making sure everything was clean for when her parents returned from their holiday, (that's what she called it, a holiday)

She'd done all the washing up, put the washing machine on a cycle and made sure all the beds in the house had fresh bedding. She collapsed onto the bed exhausted at half eleven knowing it was only a few until they were here.

In the morning she woke at seven-fifteen, fifteen minutes later than usual.

Making sure she took her antidepressant, as she'd missed yesterday's dose, she began to get ready. She remembered today was her date day with Ethan and smiled softly before remembering to pack some spare clothes in her larger handbag.

The first hour went extremely slow, the hospital for once been quiet. She learnt how to successfully clean a wound and take blood from a real patient (though the latter was a scary experience when she fainted at the sight of the needle)

"Sorry me and needles aren't exactly the best of friends," she made a joke out of it. She'd spent the last few years avoiding a blood test or any kind of test because of her phobia. At this rate she wasn't going to be a very convincing nurse though this was only her first placement.

/

"You look nice," Ethan said with a smile. It was the truth, she was looking good, "shall we go?"

"Yeah," she smiled softly as she followed Ethan out of the grounds of the hospital and towards town. On the way they made small talk, discussing the gossip that was around the emergency department and if either of them had any plans for this evening.

They reached the café that they decided was quiet enough and went inside. Sitting down at the spare table at the corner, none of them spoke as they looked at the menu wondering about what food to order. Eventually deciding, Ethan went up to the counter and a short time later came back with two milkshakes, both chocolate.

"How are you finding ED?"

"Scary," she answered and sipped her milkshake, "but my mother gave me a couple tips to survive. She used to be an A&E nurse before she trained as a midwife. How about you? Are you settling in okay?"

"It's fine except of course my brother. He's a good doctor he's just—"

"A moron?" Eliza made eye contact and they both laughed, "I'm glad I'm the only child, well—technically, I have two half-siblings on my father's side, they're older but we don't communicate. It's safe to say they don't like me or my mother very much."

"Another particular reason?"

Eliza smiled, "my father was married when he first started seeing my mother but—well, stuff like that happens. I can imagine its difficult constantly been in the shadow of your older brother? I can relate, I live in my parents shadow all the time."

She slurped her milkshake before blushing a deep shade of red and apologising. Ethan couldn't help but notice how cute she looked when she blushed. It brought a sparkle out in her eyes, "what do your parents work as?"

"my mothers a midwife, my father's a consultant and before it even crosses your mind I didn't want to become a Doctor."

Ethan laughed, "how did you know I was going to ask?"

"Everybody does," she slurped her milkshake again, "honestly. The minute people realise my father's a consultant I'm always questioned. I just, I like medicine but there's way too much responsibility being a doctor, too much training."

/

"Eliza, these were delivered when you were on your break," at reception by Louise was a huge bouquet of flowers. Eliza exchanged looks with Ethan who shrugged and she chewed her lower lip. This definitely didn't look good after a date, somebody else sending her flowers.

She studied the flowers. They were a bunch of tulips of all different colours, yellow, white, purple and pink.

"Secret admirer?" Fletch asked and she shook her head, "no, they're off my father."

She found a card and opened it up. Sure enough inside was a message —  
_university celebration meal, table booked for 7.50. your mother and I will pick you up, love you D x_

"Your father's sent you those?" Louise exclaimed and she nodded, "yes."

"I wish my father would send me something like that," Rita answered and Eliza closed the card, tears pooling in her eyes. Picking up the flowers, she excused herself and walked away, heading for the staffroom to find a vase.

"Do you think she's alright?" Louise asked out loud as her, Noel, Ethan, Rita and Fletch watched Eliza walk away. Charlie wondering where some of his staff were walked over to them and asked; "do you think you'll get any work done today?"

"Sorry," they split up and went back to work all thinking the same question. Why would a father send his daughter flowers that made her emotional?

/

"Those flowers earlier," Eliza and Rita were sat in the staffroom on a break, Eliza's attention drawn to the flowers in the corner, her flowers. She slowly turned her head and made eye contact with Rita, "were they really from your father? You looked pretty upset."

"Nobody believes me do they?"

"Well—"

She shot a look at Rita, "my father's been away for three months, my mother twelve months. He sent me those flowers to tell me they're back and we're going for a meal to celebrate me going to university, something that should've happened two months ago."

She swallowed, "I'm sick to death of telling people about my parents leaving me for months on end. Sick of people slagging my parents off because they decided to try and save the world. My parents worked in Sierra Leone, Ivory Coast, Somalia. They didn't like it anymore than me but that was _their_ life."

"Sorry I asked."

"It's fine," she stood up and left the staff room, leaving Rita wondering why her parents were such a touchy subject. Was it because they'd left her for so long that she got emotional when they came home? Rita knew there was something about her, something she was hiding.

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	5. CHAPTER V

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**CHAPTER FIVE**  
_I remember the demons at night_

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Today was a relatively short shift for Eliza and she left at five to go home and get ready for her evening meal with her parents.

She showered wanting to feel fresh before putting on her brand new dress that she'd brought a few days earlier, a short white dress with white wedges. She applied minimum makeup not wanting to look overdone and left her hair naturally wavy on her shoulders.

Time went quick as she was preparing herself and before long, she heard the scratching of the keys in the door and her mother's voice;

"Eliza we're here!" Making sure she had everything (jacket, shoes and handbag) she left the bedroom and ran down the stairs, throwing her arms around her mother with a smile, "I've missed you so much!"

Kissing Eliza's head, Rachel broke out of the hug and placed both her hands on her cheeks; "you look healthy, are you taking your medication?"

She rolled her eyes, "yes. You can even ring mister Gupter if you're concerned. Where's father?"

"In the car, are you ready?" Eliza nodded as she put on her shoes and jacket and followed her mother outside to the car. Rachel couldn't help but feel saddened at how much Eliza had grown in her absence. Twelve months ago she left a teenage. Now she'd returned to a fully grown, independent adult and she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

As she got in the car, Mike couldn't believe how much Eliza had changed. Again he left a teenager and returned to an adult, one that could cope in the absence of her parents. He missed his little girl and all the moments he'd missed out on.

The journey to the restaurant was quiet but pleasant, the radio occupying most of the silence between the three with the soft gentle sound of jazz.

/

Eliza wasn't overly hungry after her lunch date with Ethan so at the meal she only ordered salad. Rachel and Mike didn't question it though Eliza could tell by the way they were watching her, they thought she was relapsing with her food issues.

"Don't look at me like that," she took a sip of water, "I went out for lunch earlier so I'm not overly hungry. Not that I'm restricting my food intake so you can stop panicking and looking at me like that."

Rachel changed the subject before an argument started, "How's your placement? Are you enjoying it?"

"I love it though I'm relieved you gave me those tips to survive though!"

"Where are you, St James'?" Mike asked and she shook her head, Actually no, St James' told me they couldn't have me because they had too many students. I'm at City Hospital, Holby's closer than St James'"

"Really?" Rachel and Mike looked at one another and then back at Eliza. She frowned and looked at them both funny wondering why there was such a connection with Holby City Hospital.

"Yeah why?" Both her parents said it didn't matter and her father attempted to change the subject by asking how she found the food.

"You both used to work at Holby didn't you? I don't understand why you never talk about your time there, it's like you're ashamed of it." Eliza answered and put down her knife and fork, "I'm going home, see you later."

"Eliza why?"

She shot a look at her mother and father, "when you can start treating me like an adult we'll talk. Until then, I'll be at home, waiting!"

/

Eliza didn't go home after the meal, instead she went to the pub near the hospital. Sitting at a table on her own, she knocked back the vodka and coke doubles like they were heading out of fashion. Leaning on the table, she wasn't aware of Charlie walking towards her having seen her state from the street opposite.

"Eliza?"

"Oh hey," she smiled softly as knocked back another vodka and coke, "what cha doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." There was a pause on Eliza's half when she ordered another drink. When the barman handed her the drink, Charlie took it from her before telling her, "you've had enough."

"Not—only—just—started."

"We need to get you home, can you stand?"

"Charlie, vodka, mine. Give it."

"No Eliza you're drunk."

"Not drank enough. Now give it."

"No," he touched her arm as he help her up from the table, "I'm taking you home!

Eliza admitting defeat stood up from the table, the alcohol going to her head quicker than she anticipated. Stumbling over the table she was grateful Charlie had hold off her arm and wasn't going to let her fall over and make a show of herself.

"I don't want to go home!"

"Aren't your parents home?"

"Exactly my point, going to stay here all night and get pissed."

"It won't make you feel any better."

"Whatever. I give up caring!"

Charlie walked Eliza home, the journey taking ten times longer than what it would've done had she been sober. She stumbled around in her heels before she leant against the wall and took off her shoes. Charlie commented that she'll cut her feet open but once again Eliza was past caring. He wondered if she was the type to be destructive, she didn't look the type of course.

Reaching Eliza's place, he couldn't help but comment on how nice it looked. Eliza muttered something he couldn't understand and dropped her bag and its contents on the floor. Bending down to help her retrieve her items, he tried to find her keys as she wobbled against the doorframe. Thankful the keys weren't needed because Rachel had heard the commotion and opened the door. Looking at the man and Eliza swaying slightly, she knew her daughter was drunk.

"Thanks for bringing—" as Charlie stood up his eyes fell upon Rachel. Neither of them spoke as they looked at the other. Charlie. Charlie Fairhead, older and wiser in his years was stood on _her_ doorstep with her daughter.

"Charlie?"

"Rachel?"

Eliza looked between the two and wondered why they were reacting the way they were. Still swaying slightly she spoke; "What?! You've already met?"

Rachel shook her head and swallowed hard, "no but yeah-its-"

"Whatever!" Eliza answered and tripped over the doorstep. Falling into the hall she broke out in hysterical laughter which attracted Mike's attention in the living room. Coming out he saw Rachel at the door talking to an older man and a drunk Eliza on the floor. Walking up to the door, his eyes fell upon the last person he expected to see. Charlie Fairhead, Charlie.

"Charlie?"

"Hello Mike."

Standing up Eliza swallowed suddenly overcome with nausea. Taking a deep breath she muttered; "oh shit, I think I'm going to be sick!"

Hearing her daughter's comment, Rachel followed her daughter into the kitchen leaving the two men to talk. Holding her hair back as she was sick in the sink, Rachel rubbed her back up and down before Eliza whispered; "I'm sorry for been a brat."

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**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	6. CHAPTER VI

ϟ

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**CHAPTER SIX**  
_shooting star across the sky_

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"you didn't tell me Charlie was your mentor?" Rachel said to Eliza as she helped her up the stairs to bed. Eliza was silent for a moment, the comment was rich from her mother who never told she'd previously worked with Charlie as a nurse.

"You never told me you worked with him."

"Fair point," Rachel spoke before reaching Eliza's bedroom. She lay on the bed too exhaust to move or change her clothes. Rachel sat down on the edge of the bed as Eliza said gently, "odd isn't it? You three used to work together and none of you ever said anything."

Rachel smiled softly and moved a strand of hair away from her face, "night beautiful."

"Night mama, I love you."

"I love you too," as the youngster closed her eyes Rachel lent over and kissed her cheek. Leaving the room, she went downstairs into the kitchen where Charlie and Mike were sat, talking about the last couple of years and how different everything was.

"Thanks for bringing Eliza home," she smiled before she filled up a glass with water and took out a packet of paracetamol from the draw. Informing them that she'd be back in a minute, she took the items upstairs and placed them on Eliza's bedside table.

At that moment Eliza rolled onto her side and whispered; "love you."

Leaving the room and puling the door too, Rachel whispered I love you back, something she didn't say often enough to her daughter.

"Sorry about Eliza. She can be a handful at times," Rachel sat down as she said the comment and joined the small talk between both men. It was only later that night when Mike and Rachel were in bed that Rachel whispered; "do you think I was wrong to leave her all those years ago?"

"Rachel!" Mike pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, "we've been through this already!"

It didn't stop the guilt though, that perhaps if she hadn't left all those years ago to "change the world", her daughter may be normal.

/

Four weeks Eliza had been at ED and she was now halfway through her placement with only another four weeks left. Her and Ethan were getting on brilliantly though they were teasing everybody in ED with their "will they, won't they relationship."

Eliza liked been in his company. He made her feel special but she wasn't sure if she wanted to take it any further. She was only nineteen and in her first year of university, didn't her studies have priority over a fleeting romance that could end at any time?

She was beginning to adapt to her parents, her anxiety reduced because she knew they weren't going to leave her anymore. One evening as Rachel was cooking dinner, she commented to Mike at how different Eliza's behaviour was.

"Have you noticed it Mike?"

"Noticed what hunny?" He didn't bother looking up from his newspaper and she rolled her eyes. Men they were all the same; "about Eliza?"

"Noticed what about Eliza?"

"Never mind," Rachel went back to cooking dinner as Mike continued to read his newspaper. Once it was cooked, all three sat round the table making small talk about the day and what Eliza had done at placement.

"Are you seeing someone?" Rachel asked. Eliza spluttered out her drink, her heart beating furiously in her chest. Was it _that_ obvious?

"No, nobody," she said and sipped her drink. She looked at her father and then back at her mother, not wanting her father to know. He had a negative image on doctor's, always saying they were shagging anything with a pulse (he knows, he says, he is a doctor)

Mike was too busy tucking into his steak to notice the look that was exchanged between mother and daughter.

Later that night when Eliza was busy studying in her room, she heard a knock on the door. Sitting up, she told her mother to come in knowing it was her because she was the only one to knock — her father nine times out of ten barged in.

Rachel sat on the end of the bed, cross-legged in front of Eliza. Both of them just stared at each other until she broke the silence between them, "you are seeing someone you don't want your father to know."

"No."

"He's a doctor and he's older than you."

"How did you—never mind." Eliza sighed. It was history repeating itself. A nurse falling in love with a doctor, it always became more complicated than it needed to be, "your right I am seeing someone but—"

Eliza made eye contact and shrugged.

"How does he make you feel?"

Her cheeks flushed a deep shade of red. Her mother was the last person she wanted this conversation with, "he makes me feel alive, like I'm the only one around when we're together. He treats me like a princess but—"

She paused, "when did you know you loved my father?"

Rachel tilted her head to the side, "his wife wrote to him and wanted them to make a go of their marriage. I told him to go because I loved him and you sometimes have to let the person you love leave. When he was gone, I realised then how much I loved him."

"He came back though didn't he?"

She smiled softly and looked at her daughter, "of course, how do you think we managed to raise you?"

She fiddled with her fingers, twisting her rings absent-mindedly round her fingers before she looked at Rachel and smiled softly, "the truth is I love him but I'm scared. I'm scared of making the same mistakes as you and my father because its history repeating itself isn't it? And I don't want to become this person who is constantly regretting never living up to her parents expectations and not entirely been in control of things."

"Oh hunny, is that how you feel?"

Rachel pulled Eliza into a hug, "we don't want you to live up to any expectation, we just want you to be you! Do whatever makes you happy, follow your own dreams, fall in love if you want too. Your father and I only want you to be happy and healthy that's all."

"So you don't care if I make a few mistakes?"

She kissed the top of Eliza's head, "of course not. Growing up is all about making mistakes, it's all about becoming an adult. Do you think your father and I never made any mistakes growing up?"

She smiled softly, "you and my father could never be perfect even if you tried."

Resting her head on her mother's lap, she ran a hand through her daughter's hair as Eliza realised how lucky she was to have parents as supportive as hers.

"Will we ever meet him, this admirer of yours?"

"One day just not yet. I don't want to scare him off." They both laughed before there was silence between them again.

* * *

**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	7. CHAPTER VII

ϟ

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**  
_hold my hand lets chase the sun_

* * *

Eliza and Ethan were alone in the staff room, both staring at each other, not really sure of what to say to the other. Their whole relationship had changed, the dynamics were different and it was clear on both sides they weren't sure on how to deal with it, the change.

"Have you—erm—been avoiding me?"

"No it's just difficult at the minute, my parents—I."

"You are avoiding aren't you?"

"No," she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes and Eliza sighed. She'd never been in love with before and all this, with Ethan it was new. But it was complicated too because it all seemed to mirror her parents and she didn't want everything to be complicated, the way they were.

"Can we meet this evening, Bella Italia in town, say eight?"

"I'll be there okay?" The door closed and Eliza stared at the path Ethan had just taken. Biting her lower lip, she ran a hand through her hair and decided that today was judgement day, she had to tell Ethan exactly how she felt and how confusing all this was for her.

The rest of the shift Eliza avoided Ethan (and perhaps he avoided her too) until it was time for them to talk, to discuss their relationship, if there even was one.

Eliza sat at the bar swirling a glass of red wine around, waiting for Ethan to join her. She knew they needed to talk, they couldn't go on like this anymore, been unsure and avoiding each other.

"Hey," she heard a familiar voice behind her and turned around, her eyes falling upon Ethan. He scrubbed up well and she smiled before asking if he wanted a drink. He wanted a beer so Eliza ordered another glass of red wine and a beer before they were taken to their table by the waiter.

Sitting there they were silent.

"I've got to be honest with you Ethan," she made eye contact with him, "I have been avoiding you."

She noticed that flicker of hurt in his eyes again and she continued, "oh I thought this would be easier to say, how do I tell you how I feel without sounding a complete numpty? Listen I've been avoiding you because—because I love you and I'm scared."

"Oh."

"I'm scared because this is how my parents fell in love and it was complicated and—am I making sense? I love you and it's been four weeks and—I'm worried that you don't feel the same because you're older and wiser?"

"Is that what you think?"

Eliza sipped on her wine, "yes."

Ethan laughed and leant over. Kissing her on the lips for a second, he pulled away his cheeks a scarlet colour, "I love you too, I thought you were avoiding me because you didn't like me anymore and you preferred my brother. Maybe that's my paranoia talking,"

he took her hand in his and squeezed it, "other than that, is everything okay? How are your parents?"

"My parents are okay thank you, they want to meet you. Actually my mother wants to meet you, I haven't told my father yet. He's convinced doctor's, both male and female want to shag every nurse they see. I think he'd give you the third degree if I turned up with you for dinner one evening."

"He's protective?"

Eliza laughed, protective was an understatement, "yes but he's always been like that. He's extremely protective of my mother, doesn't like the thought of anything happening to either of us. I don't think he'd know what to do without us personally."

The rest of the evening they drank too much, eat too much and opened up too each other more.

/

Ethan swayed on the doorstep as Eliza opened the front door with her keys. Pressing a finger to his lips, she said gently, "remember what I said? Be quiet, my parents will be asleep."

"Yes," he laughed quietly and kissed Eliza hard. Pressing her into the wall, she bit down on his lower lip and looked into his eyes, "ssh."

Closing the door and locking it behind her, Eliza grabbed Ethan's hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom. Closing the door she kissed him hard and led him to the bed in the middle of the room, "I love you Eliza, I love you more than anything."

"I love you too," she smiled brightly.

/

The next morning Eliza rolled over in bed and hit a hard object. Sitting up, leaning on her arms, she saw Ethan and remembered the events of last night. Leaning over, she kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, "wakey wakey, sleeping beauty."

He rolled over and opened his eyes. Kissing her on the lips he answered, "good morning."

"Sleep well?"

"Yes thanks, you?"

"Eliza?" The voice of her father bellowed up the stairs and Eliza looked at Ethan. This was not how her parents were meant to met Ethan, half-naked in bed with a naked Eliza. Hearing Mike's footsteps on the stairs, she turned to Ethan.

"You're going to have to hide."

"Where?"

"The wardrobe," Ethan with his underpants and a tee-shirt on got out of the warm bed and walked to the wardrobe. Getting in, she closed it on him and got in bed just before her father walked into the bedroom.

He looked at his daughter with a smile, "I didn't hear you come in last night," he noticed the pair of shoes at the side of the bed and frowned. Looking at Eliza he knew she was hiding something. Just before he could ask, he heard a cough come from the wardrobe.

Eliza closed her eyes as her father opened the wardrobe. Catching Ethan, he grabbed his clothing and pulled him out, "what the hell have you been doing with my daughter?"

Swallowing the lump in her throat Eliza shouted, "mum? Mum come quickly, dad's gonna do something stupid!"

Watching Ethan been thrown into the wall by her father and his fist clenching, she knew he was going to hit him. Thankfully Rachel came into the room at the right moment and after watching the drama unfold, grabbed Mike by the arm.

"Let him go Mike!"

"I wanna know what he's been doing with my daughter."

"Having sex," the answer came from Eliza and Mike turned around. It was only then that she said, "mum and dad this is Ethan—my boyfriend. Ethan meet my parents, Rachel and Mike."

All three looked at one another but slowly Mike's grip loosened on Ethan's clothing. Eventually, without saying another to one another (except Ethan who whispered hello) Rachel dragged Mike out of the room and slammed the door closed.

Eliza looked at Ethan and mouthed sorry, that really wasn't how she wanted them all to meet.

* * *

**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	8. CHAPTER VIII

ϟ

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
**_because you never were and you never will_

* * *

"I'm so sorry," Eliza began as she began to pull on her clothing. Ethan shrugged it off, saying it didn't matter though it wasn't every day that he got into an argument slash fight with a father.

"You did warn me," he smiled and walked towards the bed. Pulling on his pants he said, "he really cares about you doesn't he?"

"Yeah he does."

They got dressed in silence and sat in bed together, Eliza's head resting on Ethan's shoulder, fingers entwined. They just talk about everything, Eliza's university, her tutor, exams. Her plans for the future, she has plans, who doesn't? She want to do Médecins Sans Frontières with her parents, that way they'll all be happy.

There was a knock on the door about five, six minutes after and Rachel walked into the bedroom with two cups of tea (ethan's contained a lot of sugar to help with the "shock") Eliza didn't know if she should attempt to introduce Ethan and Mike in a better manner.

"I apologise about my husband, he can be over-protective at times."

"I already warned Ethan when we first met."

"Is your husband always like that?" Rachel sat on the edge of the bed beside her daughter and nodded. She looked between Ethan and Eliza and knew deep down, in her heart, he was the one for Eliza. Call it a mother's intuition but she knew he wasn't going to hurt her.

"Yeah he can be over-protective but that's only because he loves Eliza and I very much," Eliza rested her head on Rachel's shoulder and she planted a kiss on the top of her head, grateful to have walked in before Mike could do any real damage to Ethan, he may have used him for medical research.

"I'll call you both when breakfast's ready," and without another word Rachel left them alone. As the silence filled the room once again, Eliza noticed how cute Ethan looked in the dim light of the bedroom.

"Your mother's lovely, it must be where you get it from."

Eliza couldn't help the redness that appeared on her cheeks and the grin that showed on her face, "shut up!"

She pushed him gently and he pushed her back. Looking into her eyes, he kissed her passionately and couldn't help the smile on his face. He never wanted to let her go, ever.

/

Rachel, Mike, Eliza and Ethan sat around the table for breakfast. The atmosphere was tense especially between Mike and Ethan and Eliza felt like she could cry. All she wanted was for her father to like her boyfriend, was it too much to ask for?

"Will you at least make an effort?"

She asked her father only for him to ignore her. Eliza rolled her eyes and called him a bastard under her breath. Rachel heard the comment but ignored it, the last thing she wanted was a huge argument in front of Ethan (and probably scare him of Eliza further)

"Perhaps I should go?" Ethan suggested and went to stand up. He sensed the atmosphere and he knew he'd caused it.

Eliza touched him arm, "no, you're my boyfriend and I want you to stay. My father's the one with the problem, perhaps he should leave."

Mike looked at his daughter, then his wife, then finally his daughter again; "fine!" Leaving the table, he slammed the door closed and Eliza couldn't help the tears that ran down her cheeks. Ethan ran his hand down Eliza's back as she sobbed into his chest.

/

"You just can't accept it can you? Accept Eliza's growing up and becoming an adult!"

"I'm not having this conversation Rachel! Mike's voice was slightly raised.

Eliza sat on the top of the stairs, like she was a child again, listening to her parents. She knew they were arguing, over her and Ethan and although all the shouting scared her, she knew sometimes it needed to be done. Every marriage had its ups and downs.

"What is your problem Mike?"

"I _haven't_ got a problem!" there was a pause and then a sigh, "he's going to hurt her Rachel, she's just a kid."

"No she isn't," another second silence, "twelve months ago we both left a child, we've come back to this beautiful, intelligent adult who's fallen in love. What we think about him doesn't come into this. Eliza loves Ethan and he makes her happy. If he hurts her we'll be there to pick up the pieces, we're her parents and that's what we do."

"She's my little girl Rachel," Eliza could hear her father begin to cry, "and she always will be, nothing will ever change that."

Hearing nothing but silence Eliza stood up from the bottom step and walked into her parents bedroom. It wasn't unusual for Eliza to sleep in her parents room, in the middle of the bed, sucking her thumb like she was three again.

When Rachel and Mike came to bed, they smiled at their daughter in the middle of the bed and got in beside her. Each of them kissed the top of Eliza's head and as Mike settled down to sleep, he realised Rachel was right. Eliza would always be his little girl.

/

"Oh shit-fucking-'ell." Rachel raised her eyebrows as Eliza rushed around the kitchen, emptying the contents of her handbag everywhere, "have you lost something?"

"Anti-depressants," she answered back. Ethan had found out a few days ago after catching her taking one of her tablets at work. She explained that she was bulimic and in recovery and he accepted it, accepted that she'd taken a while to know him.

"Have you been taking them?"

"Hmm, ish!" She saw the disapproving look her mother gave her and answered, "I miss the odd dose every now and then but it's okay because I haven't had any major food relapses."

"You haven't?"

She shook her head and exclaimed found when she pulled out a box of fluoxetine from the bottom of her handbag, "last night Ethan and I had pizza. You never heard me sticking my fingers down my throat did you?"

She didn't wait for her mother's reply as she swallowed her tablet, kissed her mother's cheek and said love you, bye and left for work. She was unaware that her life was about to get ten times harder, harder than she anticipated.

* * *

**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	9. CHAPTER IX

ϟ

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**  
_i'll admit I was impressed_

* * *

**THREE WEEKS LATER**

"We need to talk to you," she's sat at the kitchen table eating a slice of toast having been sick again (forth time that week) when her parents said they needed to speak to her. She looked up from staring at the toast and asked,

"what's wrong?" Mike looked at Rachel and sighed, "we've made you an appointment with your psychologist."

"What?!" She put down the toast she was eating, suddenly not feeling very hungry, "what, why? I've been taking my medication every single day although I will admit I do sometimes forget the odd dose. I haven't had any major food relapses in ten, almost eleven weeks."

"Hunny," it was Rachel, "you don't have to lie, we know."

"Know what?" It suddenly dawned on Eliza what they were talking about, "oh for goodness sake! You don't believe me do you? You don't believe that I was genuinely sick, you think I'm restricting and sticking my fingers down my throat don't you?"

Standing up she walked out of the kitchen, "I'm going to work!"

"Eliza?" Rachel called but got no response. She knew this was going to happen, she sensed it.

/

Eliza sat in the bathroom, on the sinks swinging her legs backwards and forwards. She'd been in a foul mood all morning according to Ethan but she didn't tell him the reasons why (he still didn't know about the bulimia or the anti-depressants, it was still early days yet)

"You've been terrible to work with all morning, are you going to tell me why?" The question came from Rita and she sighed. Yes they were friends but could she really reveal all to her? She took a deep breath.

She sighed, my parents and I had an argument this morning."

"Over?"

She sighed once again, "they've made me an appointment with my psychologist because they're convinced I've relapsed with my eating disorder." She noticed the look Rita gave her and continued, "I'm bulimic, I have been for two years."

"I didn't realise."

"Why would you? I haven't relapsed, my parents are just convinced I have."

Rita sighed, Eliza may have some intelligence but she didn't half act thick sometimes; "then explain that to them? Tell them that your not relapsing, tell them the truth?"

"I can't," she whispered, "I'm pregnant."

Rita caught the last bit and looked at Eliza, "oh right."

/

She'd gone home on her lunch hour to talk to her parents. She knew how it must look to her parents, their teenage daughter with a history of bulimia throwing up every morning and not really wanting to eat. She knew they'd think the worst and planned for that.

Eliza wished it could be as simple as relapsing, pregnancy was a lot more complicated.

Her parents are home and at first they just sit there wondering what the other's going to say. The thought never crosses their mind that their eighteen year old daughter was going to announce she was pregnant, to a man older than her.

"I know why you wanted to call my psychologist but an appointment is unnecessary."

"You're in denial aren't you?" Mike said and Eliza sighed, "no. I don't have a problem with food. I used too but that's because restricting my food and purging was a control for me when you two left me for months. I don't have a problem with food."

"Then what is it?"

The penny dropped for Rachel after that. Looking at her daughter in the eye she asked, "are you pregnant?"

Eliza didn't have to reply before Rachel pulled her into a hug and told her everything would be okay. Feeling the warmth of her mother she burst into tears. Mike looked at his daughter, stood up and said out loud; "I'll kill him."

"No you won't," Rachel answered, "you're going to go into the kitchen and you're going to make your daughter a cup of tea."

He sighed but didn't answer Rachel back. He went into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. Rachel ran her fingers through Eliza's hair wishing she was still a child when things were a lot less complicated, "have you taken a test?"

"Yes."

"Have you spoken to Ethan?"

"No."

"Will you speak to Ethan?" Eliza just cried harder blaming herself for this mess that she'd got herself involved in. Eighteen years old, in her first year of Adult Nursing at Cardiff University and pregnant. Couldn't get any better could it?

Eliza walked into the kitchen and leant against the worktop, her arms folded across her chest, "you're ashamed aren't you?"

"No I'm just disappointed Eliza, I wanted everything for you. It's not the right time for a baby in your relationship is it?"

Eliza pointed a finger in Mike's direction and answered back, "you're a fucking hypocrite. You — you slept with mum when you were still married and then fucked off back to your wife leaving _my_ mother with me. Wasn't the right time for a baby was it but you still kept me so don't you dare!"

"Do you really think Ethan's going to support you?"

"You really are a prick aren't you? What's the difference between you and Ethan? What made you stay with _my_ mother and raise me together?"

"That's different Eliza."

"How," she kicked the chair across the room, "how is it different? Ethan and I have made a mistake, it isn't much different from the mistake you and my mother made. The only difference is, there isn't a marriage involved!"

"Eliza?"

"Oh piss off!" Slamming the kitchen door closed, Eliza ran up stairs to her bedroom. Lying on the bed, she found herself bursting into tears. She'd only just discovered she was pregnant and look at the destruction it was causing already.

Rachel sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hand in circles on Eliza's lower back, "I rang Charlie. I told him you wouldn't be coming back this afternoon." She didn't answer she just cried harder for the mess she was in. Her mess, her own fault.

* * *

**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	10. CHAPTER X

ϟ

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**  
_to the left, to the left._

* * *

It's only as she's in bed that night, having spent the afternoon crying over her situation, Eliza realised how blessed she was. Yes her father may be a prick but her mother was truly wonderful, telling Eliza that no matter what, she'd support her regardless of her decision.

Eliza knows that it's only fair to inform Ethan, it was his baby too. They're sat in the canteen at the hospital, Eliza fiddling with the rim of her polystyrene cup containing her tea. There's silence, Ethan not too sure why Eliza needed to speak to him so urgently.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not really," she sips her coffee and sighs deeply. Why was this happening? Of all the time it could happen, it was when they were both settled and happy with one another. They were too young for this, for having a baby and growing up before their time.

"Eliza," he touches her hand, "what is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh," and again there's only silence. She begins to cry and he holds her as she cries, creating a wet patch on his scrub top, running his hand in circles on her back. It's only when she's stopped he looks her in the eye and kisses her forehead,

"Whatever you decide, I'm going to be there for you Eliza, I love you."

/

They have a long talk when his shift finishes. They go back to his house, two cup of teas with sugar and they discuss their options. They know they have three, have an abortion, give their baby up for adoption or keep their baby and raise it.

They know right now isn't the time, they were still getting to know each other. They knew it would be hard raising a baby and juggling a demanding career. Ethan knew it wasn't ideal for Eliza either. Only just turned nineteen and in her first year of university with her whole life ahead of her.

They spend a week discussing what their going to do before settling on an abortion, it's right for them.

It's eight-thirty when they reach the doctors. They go together because it's both their baby and neither of them are speaking, both of them nervous about what's going to happen. The waiting room is slightly noisy, adults chatting and children playing and Eliza's eyes swell with tears.

She turns to look at Ethan and smiles a little, she knows it's the right choice, their only choice.

Eliza's name flashes up on the screen and they go to the room. It's not Eliza's usual doctor, she chose someone different because it made it that little easier not to be judged by someone. Plus Doctor Gupter was away on holiday.

They sit down and squeeze each other's hand reassuringly as the doctor smiles and asks; "what can I do for you?"

"My boyfriend and I have just discovered we're having a baby but," she looked at Ethan and then back at the doctor, "we'd like a termination."

The doctor informs them that they'll be refereed to the hospital for an abortion to be carried out, the type of abortion that is performed, what to expect and the risks involved. Eliza's given counselling to make sure it's the right decision she's making.

As they leave, they know these next few weeks are going to be difficult.

/

Eliza changes almost overnight. She finds it difficult to concentrate on anything other than her pregnancy, the waiting list two to four weeks long. Her university work is beginning to suffer as is placement but she can't help it. Eliza just wants this pregnancy to go away.

She sits in front of her mentor during one of her days at university, staring at the mentor as she asks, "is everything okay?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Your placement report isn't as good as it should. Are you coping okay?"

Eliza nodded, "yes my mother was an A&E Nurse, she gave me tips to survive. Seriously, nothing's wrong." she sighed almost as if to convince herself more than anybody. She didn't want to tell her mentor she was pregnant, the less people who knew the better.

"Your parents are home now aren't they?"

"From Sierra Leone yes, they've been home for about two months now. I'm adapting to having to live by their rules." She laughs before she pauses and asks another question, "May I ask a question? How do you know if you're doing the right thing?"

"You're a bright girl Eliza I'm sure you'll work out what's right."

She couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips. Her mentor's answer didn't help, just made her more confused over her decision to terminate her pregnancy. Although the right choice now, would she regret it in the future?

/

After yet another night of been unable to sleep in her own bed, Eliza found herself getting up and heading to her parents bedroom. Knocking on her parents bedroom door, she pushed it open and whispered; "mum, dad, I have belly ache and can't sleep."

She hears her parents stir in their sleep and she tiptoes towards the bed. They made some space in the middle of the bed and Eliza climbed over her mother and settled down. She put both her hands on her stomach and sighed.

Mike planted a kiss on his daughter's head as he asked, "how do you feel?"

"Sick," she paused for a moment, "do you ever regret having me?"

Mike smiled sadly and shook his head. Even though Eliza hadn't been planned, he wouldn't change her for the world and neither would Rachel. She was their baby, she would always be their baby no matter how old she was.

"No. You're the best thing that's ever happened to your mother and I."

Rachel sat up in bed and looked at her daughter, "the only thing I regret is doing Medecins Sans Frontieres when you were growing up. I wish I'd brought you up the way a mother should. Why do you ask?"

Eliza sighed, "I'm scared. Finding out I'm pregnant was one thing, agreeing to have an abortion is another. What if I'm doing the wrong thing? I don't want to look back in four years when I've finished university and regret having an abortion."

"You'll figure it out sweetheart, you have too."

She sighed again, "that's what everyone says."

Rachel and Mike hugged their daughter tightly, "only you know what's right or wrong, only you can do what's right for you and Ethan. No matter what, no matter what you decide, we'll always be here for you."

Kissing the top of their daughter's head, Rachel whispered, "lets go to sleep."

Sucking her thumb, in between both of her parents, Eliza fell asleep and dreamt of her future with Ethan. There wasn't a baby in those dreams and when she woke, she decided to go through with the abortion. It was right, everything was right, she knew that.

* * *

**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	11. EPILOGUE

ϟ

* * *

**EPILOGUE**  
_pretty green eyes_

* * *

They stay together through her first year and her second only to split during her third. It's only a week they're apart because they miss each other terribly and they soon get back together. It was so short they don't even discuss it, they don't even have claimed to have had a break from one another.

On graduation day it isn't just mum and dad stood beside her with a smile on their face, it's Ethan too. All three of them proud that Eliza's a qualified nurse, Rachel excited that she followed into her footsteps and decided to do it (because it takes a special someone to be a nurse)

They don't talk about the abortion much nor do they regret it. They do often wonder what life may have been like if they'd kept their baby. Would they still be together? Would they be happy? Would the baby be more like Ethan or Eliza?

The day after her graduation, Eliza's parents decide to return to Médecins Sans Frontières and work in Swaziland. She finds herself wanting to go with them, she can't bare the thought of been left behind again but she has Ethan to think about.

She knows if her parents leave tomorrow night, she'll run the risk of relapsing with eating disorder like a couple of years ago.

"Ethan we need to talk."

"We do?" he's preparing himself for the worst, surely Eliza was going to dump him?

"I want to go to Swaziland with my parents, they leave tomorrow evening."

"Oh," he doesn't know what else to say. Him and Eliza had three years together, they'd planned a future and now it was going to be jeopardized by her plans to follow her parents and work for Médecins Sans Frontières.

"I want you to come with me."

He sighs, "I can't Eliza."

"Why?" she smiles brightly, "you're always saying how boring Holby is. This is your chance to make a difference to people who need it most. Please come with me, I love you too much to leave you behind but I can't say goodbye to my parents again. It'll kill me."

He hesitates. His hands are entwined in hers, "okay."

"What?"

"I want to come with you," she squeals in delight and kisses him hard. After spending the evening packing together, they stand in the departure lounge of the airport waiting for their flight to London. Eliza's lost in thought, that sick feeling in the pit off her stomach.

She knows she'll miss Holby, it's her home and the place she met Ethan and fell in love. She knew Swaziland would never be her home, not really but as long as she had her mother, her father and Ethan; it would be the second best thing to home.

She feels Ethan squeezing her hand reassuringly and he plants a kiss on her forehead. It's only then that Eliza realises she's doing the right thing leaving Holby. She knows this is right, her and Ethan are right, they always were.

On the sixteenth of July 2018, Ethan and Eliza marry in a small ceremony in nearby Lesotho.

* * *

**jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review:3finished, hope you enjoyed it as much as me. thank you for the reviews and favourites and follows!


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